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by Ember on 2005 Nov 9 - 10:15 | reply to this comment
Lots of Contributors in My Life
My mother was conflicting. She raised me alone. She is a strong, independent woman, but when I started seriously dating, and when I got married, she encouraged (demanded sometimes) that "nice girls", or "girls men want" behave, dress, have their make up, and their nails, a "certain way". Huh?

I always wondered...stand up for what I believe in, but change myself, alter my body, my political and religious beliefs, because some guy says I have to? I had a job at a library, and my boyfriend picked me up, we had a "date", which to him, meant sex, and then he dropped me off at my car on a snowy night, and left in his truck. My car got stuck (this is pre-cell phone days), and I walked two miles in the snow, in heels, and when I got home my mother said, "Well, if you'd given him what he needed maybe he'd have waited to see if you got out okay." What? Then, when it came time to shop for special occasion dresses she would say, "Nothing black, nothing above the knee, you don't want him to think you're a slut!"

Grandma was different. Grandma pretty much catered to her husband, but she was a brilliant woman. She did what she did, she loved him, but she was not a doormat, and she was competent to run his business after he died for nearly twenty years. She was, and will forever be, my hero...red lipstick and all! (Red lipstick is only for sluts according to my mother). Go figure.

I'm just me. I like to submit to my husband, I have had to learn how to enjoy being respected. It's a process, but I don't think it's anyone's fault I am the way I am...fault implies there is something wrong with me. And, for today, I'm doing okay.

Kal

by KAL on 2005 Nov 10 - 23:07 | reply to this comment
At his knees all the time!