Dating in your 40s
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I do miss having that best friend you can cuddle with but dating has become so much work. But I also met an attractive woman while sitting at the counter of a diner … while I was still wearing the same sweaty clothes I'd just exercised for 3 hours in. That said, you are plain wrong about it never happening. I could make a ton of money off of lonely middle-aged women if I wanted to be a coach.

Instead, take chances and tune in to how you feel in your heart, instead of tuning in to the running analysis in your head. You are beyond the confusion of your 20s and 30s and have clarified many of your major life values.

Why You’ll Have The Most Fun Dating In Your 40s - They break out hearts.

But I DO help men by helping women who are dating after 40. It really is ALL about you, ladies! One of the most transformational ways I support women is by helping you better understand GROWNUP men. The vast majority of these guys are not the self-centered, testosterone-led, immature boys you met and maybe married in your 20s or 30s. The only way you can empathize is to know their side of the story. Here are some of their stories of dating after 40; dating that never turned into relationships, this is. Below are the common types of women single grownup men have told me about. I call them Femitypes. Read the general description of each here, or start reading more about each Femitype, starting with The Princess —. The Princess is confident, well put together, and very attractive. She easily lures in men. He needs to make all the right moves. By default, she clings to the same type of guy she wanted in high school or college. See the Wow Me Woman below. The nice, relationship-minded men get quickly discarded by the 18-year-old. When he passes those tests or shows he has feelings for her, she questions it and might up the ante. She picks fights, picks the wrong guys, or maneuvers relationships to end because it gives her control. The wall she has erected is just too high for him to climb in order to get to the other side. The Wow Me Woman is a midlife gal who still thinks that excitement is the key to judging if a guy is a good match. The Wow Me Woman leaves many good men in her dust. Men sense her quick judgment, which leaves them feeling deflated, unattractive and powerless. The Wow Me Woman is often single for a very, very long time. The Bitter Gal is angry — usually about everything, but especially about men. A guy never has a chance, even he is the nicest guy in the world and really likes her. The truth is that The Bitter Gal has been playing the victim for most if not all of her life. Though a nice guy might try to break through and prove her wrong about men, he will give up out of exhaustion. The Sexpot is all about putting out the sex vibe. She believes her sexuality is the only way she can attract a man, or she wants this point in her life to be a series of sexual experiences. She posts a provocative picture on her online dating profile, invites him over to her house on the first date, shows too much skin especially for a woman over 40 , and is overly familiar with her affection. Men who are looking just for sex will say yes. They are men, after all. You know that dating after 40 or at any stage of life, for that matter! When you appreciate the same is true for the men you date, it will go a long way toward building compassion and, in turn, building relationships. Oh, and girlfriend, you can learn a TON from the comments men have left below! And, hey…I want to know what you think! Do you see yourself in any of these? And men, I SO want to hear from you! Agree or disagree, we can learn from you. Disabled law officer, but still working. No debt, kids are grown and life is good. I stay in shape physically and am very active. I believe in shivelry and taking care of each other. I worked all the time to keep women off my mind. Went on 1 date in 2017. Just recently joined a dating app. Had 4 great dates with a wonderful lady. We were both in awe over the connection. We laughed with each other more than I ever had! Then She said she had to take a step back. It was like some one threw a switch. I really like her! It felt really nice. On a different topic, the dating site I found many ladies are looking for some one to make them happy. I believe you have to be happy with yourself first! Not rely on others or things to make us happy… It took me awhile to realize this for myself. Now I am thankful every day! Food is the only love I get most days. We just want a grown-up conversation and maybe a kiss stolen in the driveway before the dog wakes everyone up with his hysterical barking. Planning a date night is a like a logistical military operation, but worth it. Right now we would be thrilled just to go out occasionally. Now they knew from the beginning that I was born this way because I inherited it from my family. I apologize if I was off course in this article. I will say that women can be Intimidating not only with their words, but also their looks. Also, like I told them, keep working on learning and growing so you can become the very best partner you can be to attract the very best love. That includes working on your sense of self love and knowing that you deserve to love and be loved. Again, thank you for your service. Interesting article, and it is giving me hope. We have been married 12 years and together 15 years. Everything was great until that bombshell. I hope there is someone out there who will be understanding and patient with that because I will obviously stand by and give a lot of support through a lot of stuff. I am so sorry for your situation but I admire you tremendously for standing by her and your family…for now. I can only imagine the complexities. Stay here and keep learning. I hope I can help make this experience less stressful and, ultimately more joyful. Take Care of Yourself first! Not just weight but common grounds, I like being active. Granted, there is a reality that people of like appearance tend to gravitate toward one another. But appearance is very subjective. Lots of people are attracted to different looking people. Food is the only love I get most days. You are on top of the world because you can do no wrong in her eyes and you worship her because she is too good to be true. Everything is perfect — everything. You two are soulmates for life. Until she gets mad. And then she hits, kicks, throws things, says terrible things and it is clear you two split up for good and you leave. But then she comes back, and is confused why you left because of that little fight. Its ok and we try again. And the fights get more aggressive. It happens, more than you think. We were young, 19, when we got married. We were both in the military and had a lot of goals in common—we had a blast together. Today, we are completely different people and it seems like we just keep growing farther apart. Everyone asks me all the time why I left, but he just changed. He became obsessed with success and superficial things, he was never like that before. Okay, that part was kinda funny because he only changed the lock on the front door. The other thing we do is we start to set expectations and tests that are unspkoken. Self examination of past relationships and looking for the red flags we just passed right by because we were ultimately afraid of being alone can help in knowing why we made the choices we made even if we were quote unquote the victims of there behavior. And lastly unconditional love which is what men and women are looking for is a big task. That means accepting that person for exactly who they are and loving every bit of them flaws and all, not accepting unacceptable behavior but stretching yourself to seek them right where there at and meeting them there. Unresolved issues of our past are the biggest barriers to long term relationships. Whether you or I want to hear it or believe it water seeks its own level if we want attract better mates we have to grow for ourselves not for anyone else. I miss that companion cooking with me, going for walks, watching movies and doing gardening together. Aparantly this puts men off. No life cover from hubby was paid out, but I can look after myself. Just want that one guy that sees me for me and not a gold digger or nymphomaniac.. Loneliness is a killer! The only thing I know for a fact about mature men is that they want either a submissive, Donna Reed housewife type, or an independently wealthy, just-want-someone-to-globetrot with type. Does this make me a scaredy cat of an 18 yr old princess? Probably, I have no idea. What you learned way back is BULLSHIT. If you are kind, compassionate, affectionate, have some passion in life…you are exactly the kind of women men want. Take some more time to read what I teach, share, and advise here. I guarantee that if you do, and you implement what you learn, things will change for you. It may be a little scary, but you can change your life! Here is help for you: My Big hugs. An uneducated person is fully capable of meeting their partners emotional needs! Maybe the folks on here should date each other. I too have found it extremely difficult to find someone to spend time with after reaching 40. I have three children almost grown. Some of us have taken time to figure out who we are and what we want out of life. Sure, there are some men who want younger women; especially if they want to have kids. The truth is that statistically, men marry women within 5 years of their age. I want to let you know that if this is your experience you may want to look at how you might change things up a little. Maybe express yourself differently online and off. There are SO many men looking for women like you. In fact when you read the comments from men here they are telling you that. So im 2all most 3 yrs single and no dating.. The last one just ended after dating for 3 years. I dated a man for 6 years and another for 6 months. They just want to date. Do some soul searching. What do the men say the reasons are for ending the relationship? Was happily married for 18 years now single father working and raising kids by myself. Between work and the kids there is little time to entertain dating, although I really miss having that special person to share all of the moments with. I am happy just miss having my best friend to enjoy life with. Good luck all in your search. Somewhere over the years we have forgotten relationship is a compromise, Love is a decision not and emotion and marriage is a lifestyle of service and sacrifice to your love ones Some of the unwritten social norms of the feminist movement is the opposite of what I mentioned above. A lot of the women that I meet are looking for opportunity a man for sex or earning potential Rarely do I meet a women that has the heart of compromise and service and family With individualism as a part of our society no one wants to be alone but no one want to commit to long term relationship and its challenges and disappointments,instead we rather promote ourselves as a social media superstars and lets not forget we prefer to commit our mind and emotions to a relationship with our pet for the immediate self gratification than people. Where are you meeting these women? None of the women I know are like this. I was married then, but just as immature as they were. But I get it. This is common as well as disgusting. But, I get it. Just as long as his idea of what a healthy relationship should be, is based on reality. During that 24 years, we had separated two previous times once at the Infamous 7 yr. Mark, again at 20yr mark and the final seperation end of last yr. It was at a small local theater therefore our seats were close. Our legs kept touching all night. During intermission he went to the restroom when he can back we were talking facing one another during conversation which flowed very easy. He had a smile on his face when he said they played my favorite song as their opening song. He paid attention to the details. Every time I sipped my soda, he watched me closely. When we left, he walked behind me until we got to the foyer. Then he walked along side me, with hands in his pocket until he opened the door ~ which I thanked him for doing. When we crossed the street to the parking lot he was walking a little ahead of me with hands in pocket. It was a cold evening. Then when we got to my car I thanked him for a great night and for being gentleman by walking me to my car. He gave me an amazing long tight hug. We did not kiss — When he walked to his vehicle, he turned to look back at me and I had a huge smile on my face and he had one also. I sent him a Thank You for a great evening text four days later. He replied the next day apologizing as he was sick. I sent a get well text about 2 hours later. I was at work nurse and very busy. Then about five days later I sent him a how are you feeling text. He replied several hours later ~ due to his job. Going to do a few hikes in Red Rock Canyon one day, then head over to Zion National Park to do a few hikes there as well. I will, however, point out that one woman could be put into multiple categories depending on the current state of her emotional world. I would advise that women genuinely be themselves and not worry if they are being considered a princess, a scaredy cat, or a wow me woman. Women that a man can learn something from are truly more attractive. Be passionate about something. Do something and fall in love with it. Be willing to share and teach your passions. But maybe they would be even more pleasant with someone who also enjoys it. I have been divorced for about 5 years and it was an ugly one. Custody battle, asset division, debt allocation, none of it was easy. Our relationship is just now becoming less toxic. We have always been civil in front of the kids, but text messages were not civil. If you get nothing from the relationship then amicably split. Know your worth and walk away. There really are other fish in the sea. My overall advice for single women is do what you love. You will glow and men will notice you. When they do notice give them the benefit of the doubt. Us mature men are past that stage of our lives. Just be civil and polite. It takes a lot for most men to approach you. Even if there is no physical attraction at all, a quick conversation and a thank you will usually get them away. If a man is interested in something more than that then the contact information will make him happy. It might not be the fairly tale beginning you were hoping for, but it might lead to the the forever after ending we all want. Thank you for sharing your story so openly and for your wise advice. Your advice for us to stay kind, and open, and authentic is right on. You will glow and men will notice you. When they do notice give them the benefit of the doubt. Us mature men are past that stage of our lives. Know your worth and walk away. There really are other fish in the sea. Thanks for stopping by and taking time to educate us. You hit the nail on the head. This article is definitely enlightening. There are so many great guys out there who have been burned by women one way or another. Then there are the woman who have been hurt and make every guy they date pay for it. No one should allow their past relationships dictate their current situation. If that were the case I would have never put myself out there after loosing my husband and daughter. It took 8 years, but I am trying. We all need to be honest with ourselves and with our dates. Why, because I respect myself enough not to hop into bed on date one. One gentleman I went out with is now a friend ~ we both enjoy skydiving and are planning a couple of jumps when the weather is nicer. Until then Ibwill remain positive and enjoy life! You are right on with your analysis of the things that men over 40 encounter in the dating scene. I especially would like to piggyback on the discussions about women my age having such an in-depth, extensive checklist when it comes to finding Mr. I admire women and adore the loving nature that they bring to a relationship. Of course, I have children and issues. My happily ever after just did not survive the Great Recession along with the instant gratification endulgences of our current social psyche. We have all become guilty of thinking the grass is greener over the fence. I can attest that it is not. I also blame no-fault divorce. If you want the fairy tale 60 year marriage where you hold hands in the park when you retire rich and happy, then you need to realize that not only is this very rare in our economic times, but that couple that you are judging us by had plenty of rough times where they had to buckle down and wait it out. And, it was work. But, these are the times we live in. I will love your body just the way it is, if you love it as well. I will partner up with you to conquer the world, if you let down your walls so I can get in. Yes, I want to commit to a monogamous relationship once we get passed the psyche-crushing rejection that follows when women ask the 20 questions that delve deeper into our past then our psychoanalyst. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. I have an MBA, but not a good job. I have extra weight, but I used to be a college athlete. I flirt with younger women because they actually act like they like me. Try liking someone regardless if they are a little overweight, drive a 7 year old car, and flirt with younger women. He may be the one you are looking for. He may just be trying to keep his head above water in a 40s dating scene that is filled with women his own age that are expecting perfection from an imperfect world. Thank you — from myself and for my community- for taking the time to share your experience, thoughts and feelings. I will let Your words stand for themselves. You have educated us and given more proof to my teaching that Good Grownup Men are all around us. I have tried several online options with zero luck. I was married just over 22 years, no kids by choice to a great woman. We were that couple others called the model marriage, never a fight, no infidelity, made good decisions together. Skip over the pain I felt, blah blah. The only time I get to interact with females is when going out to eat, and that female is a waitress. Not exactly the best setting you know. Away goes the wink, flirt, like, etc. Yet, I might as well have sent it to Venus. I really think too many women in my age group, or maybe more for all I know, are hunting unicorn. Like the story above, we just want trust and affection. We have to set the floor somewhere, and that floor is usually past prime child bearing years for guys my age. Many of us over 40 were still taught these values growing up. I had a woman absolutely chew my ass out when opening the car door for her immediately followed by the restaurant door. She made a bit of a scene, people nearby were actually staring at us. I took her back to the car and took her home. I think that was my first up close look at feminism. This is a dumb, rude woman. I would say that the vast majority, if not all the women in the Date Like a Grownup community consider themselves feminists. Do they struggle with accepting help, especially from men? But they are yearning for a man to help them, have their back and do things to make them happy. Please keep being a gentleman and have some patience for we women who have been self-sufficient for so long that we are scared of losing our independence. I promise that most of us gladly get used to men like you. She is just a very rude and ill mannered person. BP has it right, we are all feminists. Being a feminist is not about trashing men. I envy people who are in loving relationships I would just like a slice of that. Opening the car door from the outside is easy. I was raised at a time when the guys opened the doors for their ladies. I have gotten no push back, and it sets the level of manners for the rest our time s together. My apologies, but do not let that one bad situation change you or prevent you from being chivalrous on future dates. There are women who appreciate those kind manners and sincere efforts. It helps us a lot. You are SO Right On here: I really think too many women in my age group, or maybe more for all I know, are hunting unicorn. Like the story above, we just want trust and affection. We have to set the floor somewhere, and that floor is usually past prime child bearing years for guys my age. There are so many fabulous single women out there. You are all trying to figure out how to date in the 21st century. There are lots of challenges. But never, ever give up. Keep learning and being your best, real self. I am married now, but for some reason I attracted to a princess many times and the Sexpot. I am 40 and can say I dated each of these types. As a man I want a women that can stimulate me sexually and emotionally… Not use those things to control me. There is another type I have run into which is probably more like the Princess… She is the Emotional Shark. This woman uses her emotions to get what she wants. Like the princess nothing is ever good enough. You can buy houses, clothes, cars, trips, and love her to death, but nothing is good enough. And she tries to make you believe your not meeting her needs through her emotional breakdowns. And does this until you give her what she wants. She is not in love with you though she will say it like all the time she in love with what you can do for her. Took me a minute to figure it out, but I got it. So when I met a real woman it was hard to trust her. I would rather have stayed single. The drama of trying to please a woman really makes you want to stay single…just being sex partners and not developing feels is cheaper for both my heart and my wallet. I may sound like a square or possibly jaded, but I am sure there are a lot of men that would agree with me. However, I believe there is somebody for everybody. Raised 2 daughters and after my kids got married my wife claims that we are emotionally disconnected. I work alot plus 1 hour drive times as well as alot of work to be done around our homestead. She is leaving me to go back to Milwaukee where our oldest daughter is with her hubby and child. After she leaves me I have no intrest in marriage again after this. Taking dancing lessons, doing my hobbies. And perhaps finding a woman who would enjoy partaking in such activites. Nothing serious but just dancing, watching movies,TV. Gardening…taking care of chickens, shooting guns, hunting, fishing and such. Plus what she may enjoy doing. I can see how you would feel this way, Michael…for now. I encourage you to spend some time reflecting and grabbing what you can learn from your experience so you can apply it to your future relationships. Then he me moi and six months later he greeted me at the end of the aisle. That was 11+ years ago. Never say never, my friend. Was married 22 years, dated her for 5 before marriage. We both gain some weight about 30lbs each , got some wrinkles, and some gray hair. Then Facebook brought her boyfriend from when she was 10 years old back into her life. I found out, we tried to work it out, then she moved out. Here I am 47, have 2 kids at home. Doing double duty trying to guide them into adulthood and looking for a new person to begin a life together. Wow, these choices stink! Where are the nice, fun, established, interesting, down to earth women? We are all adults, we all have responsibilities. Do understand that not all men walk away from families. Most women I have met do fall within the groups you describe in the article. I would just like to find a woman who acts like a true lady. She wants a relationship for the companionship and mutual enjoyment. She gives and receives without strings. She is happy with who she is and with what she has in life. She is interested in building a relationship into a lasting love affair. A life together that has ups and downs, has its challenges, but she realizes that the two of us together can get through anything if we do it together. I watch my grandparents married 70 years, my parents 50 years go through a million different issues, but together they have made it through them all. I really want the women readers to know there are a lot of good guys out there who are not looking to date younger or the ones who are listed above. This goes back to being confident in who you are. Take pride in your flaws, we all have flaws, it just takes a little time to find the person who can accept or even like your flaws. Every woman needs to read your wise, compassionate, passionate perspective. They are just hiding behind their fears, past pain, old silly rules and false beliefs about men and what they want. Your incredibly thoughtful comment here will help women see what they are missing by not having the courage to let go of their past and show up as their real, fabulous self. Ladies, I hope this helps you understand that: 1. There are so many kind, interesting, smart guys out there looking for a deep, meaningful, committed relationship with a mature woman. You ARE the women the man you want WANTS…if you could just be her…fears, perceived imperfections and all. And I wish you happiness in life and in love. Glad you stopped by. However I try to leave them there. I have one child and even though I may not be the best father around I do however try. And with any luck soon. However I can add a few things here that may help. These I learned long ago. The first is a quote that someone I knew long ago had said. The second is just this …. Which is why communication is vital. This is where understanding and compassion comes in. Not every man is the same, just like not all women are the same. I agree with all you said. The MYTH that men never want to communicate or commit is BOGUS. You are reading it here over and over. The fun females are at circus shows. The established women are in high paying jobs behaving like male workaholics. And the down-to-earth women are in hell, fighting many injustices occurring TODAY!!! Maybe you would like to date me. Forced to be unemployed. Losing material stuff that allowed to some freedom of movement. But appearances are deceiving. I have too many strings to still cut-away from. Ride the tides, surf the storms, and let the right time take you to shore. I recently went on a first date with a man 64 never married no children and I am 48 widowed with one child. I asked him to a concert we had an amazing time at least i thought so. I sent him a follow up text then replied to his text and now nothing. I believe that in a relationship we should be interdependence of one another. Keep bowling playing pool or monthly dinner with friends. But those 20-somethings will bore you to death. At least for any good reasons. You know how lovely and fun and interesting more mature women can be! Encourage them to give you a chance? Thanks so much for your comment! Online dating was a big waste of time, extremely depressing and damaging to my self esteem which just makes things harder. Bars and clubs are loud and not really good places to meet people. Although I live in a good sized city it was really odd how few women were online. I wound up sending messages to women 100+ miles away before finally giving up. And so many women here feel the same. You will find the right person for you, just relax, a little. I got my life back together and moved on. I bike 70 miles a week. I have a decent if not high paying job and own a really nice home, I have a college degree but I simply hate asking women out. The women my age are past having children. I tried online dating but it seems a big waste of time reading profiles and writing messages that go unanswered. Mostly single moms and very heavy women who would not fit my active lifestyle. Should I give up on having a family and children now? I never thought to find myself single forever without a family. Just learn how to do things differently. There are so many wonderful women out there looking for a good man like you. And I know many who really want to have kids. Screw the women who want to know your salary first. Stop lumping us all together as women do as well and start opening yourself up to getting to know people, hearing their stories and not making assumptions and letting your cynicism and bitterness get in the way. What you put out is what you get back. This article is for women but it will help you too. Are you willing to forgo a relationship because of it? Consider an alternative, like adoption. I too am 46 and not ready to push up daisies. I am disgruntled with the web sites. I communicate pretty well. I do have the flight syndrome when not seeing a good communication pattern. I have been out on 3 dates with different men. I keep hoping to find a good one. So chin up and keep looking. But keep it all in perspective that you can still live a good life and enjoy it while going through the dating struggles. Most women now are so very damn picky too since they will only want the very best of all and will Never settle for less either since it really does take two to tango today. Especially when you have courts set up to destroy husbands and fathers and keep them from seeing their own kids. I hope as time goes on I hope your anger can subside and you can once again open your heart. It sounds as though you have had some negative experiences with dating. I would suggest, taking a step back from the process. Once you have time to reflect and focus on some of the positive dating experiences, return to the dating arena. Your new attitude and disposition will attract the right lady! What about the snoooor… the lady who has done everything right in life, is extremely good on paper, yet no chemistry. Forget it entirely if there is no chance of having a family. So, in my humble opinion, women over 40 should probably be willing to put up with more bullshit, and willing to date divorcees and men with children… Even at 32, the best guy I could find had two children. So, I have been divorced from my unfaithful spouse for 2 years now. Dating was easy for me because im very outgoing and sociable. However, since my divorce, i feel as though im a failure in this dept.. I would like to be able to trust again, but even after 2 years, im finding it difficult. Any feedback from Anyone is much appreciated. The key to regaining trust is by learning to Trust Yourself. Start by processing your past relationship and learning all you can. What flags might you have missed? What boundaries might you have stated and kept? What, if anything, did you contribute to the end result? Cheating is NEVER okay, but I do believe that often the person being cheated on has some contribution to the situation. You see, when you have clarity about these kinds of things and consciousness about what you can do differently, you will start trusting yourself to make good choices. And ladies…please help Gregory with your suggestions! Gregory, some women and obviously men are shady people and cheat. They break out hearts. If she is not the modern type who thinks women can cheat just because men used to and that new age BS, then she might just win your heart over. If a woman decides to try to cheat on you, let her know, that you will NOT accept or tolerate that type of mistreatment. When you meet someone, and they ask about that part of your history, tell them, it was a difficult situation to live through, BUT you have learned for future relationships, that you will not deal with that type of behaviour. Also, I know you are hurting, if it is too difficult to talk about with someone new, save that conversation for those women who are truly worthy of hearing it. Go on several dates, if you like and begin to trust the person, then reveal what happened to you. If she is a keeper, she will value and take to heart what you confide in her. Thanks for sharing your POV. This, of course, goes both ways. We women have the bores, narcissists, stuck-on-your-ex, sex pig, etc. Just off the top of my head. We all have stuff to work on, right? But there are zillions of men and women who are lovely and fun and emotionally intelligent. Show up as your best self, educate yourself on the other sex, have fun…and you will Find Her just like the women here will Find Him. There is a reason though. Do you mean profile, btw? Get some ideas to help you better express yourself. Go out and smile, be open, start conversations. You can make some specific tweaks to change that up. I guess I want more out of inviting a man into my life than to be the provider of minimal attributes. We can all make judgments based on the dumbest things. In fact, I just finished my Fix Your Man Picker course that teaches women how to attract and choose men who will truly make them happy. Not ALL do this. Also, there are things you can do that will help you a ton. You can help men get to know in an authentic, fun and meaningful way — starting on the first date. You can Let me know what you think! Older divorced men have little to no interest in remarriage. I agree that no men want to be put through endless tests. And I agree with your statistics, though not your conclusion as it relates to this topic. Yep, lots of grey divorce and mostly because women want out. That leaves a lot of divorced men who enjoyed being married. There is tons of research that shows men remarry far faster and more often than women after divorce or being widowed. Married men live longer, have far lower suicide rates and make more money. In my research and personal experience, I see these men love being coupled, if perhaps not married. My experiences with online dating are average, a couple dates a month. Yes they tell me all about it. Some girls confuse me even and I am a woman too. I think there are men that fit every single category in this too. My most frequently found blunder is the one who puts his ex on a pedastal and makes me feel as though its pointless to waste the time if I will be dropped the second she arrives. The too sexually aggresive guy and the I have no time guy. Still with living and learning I want a companion to enjoy life with, have fun with, and yes meet sexual needs. Love is amazing I just am enjoying this crazy ride called life. I am close to financial and parental freedom no exs to deal with parenting much, kids are pretty independent and my youngest is almost 17. I have worked hard to raise my kids and find work from my own home and independence to go where I want when I want. I know what I want from a companionship I want a teammate, companion, friendship, love and mutual goals. As a female I am not sure if this is too much to hope for???? I see proof of that every day. The man you describe most definitely exists! So…think about what you might do differently to start attracting quality men. I will help you! I hope In this process there are some late bloomers. Who can recognize their own mistakes, mature, and reinvest in real relationship. I just tried to fix a sexpot, bitter, princess. That was a ride. Love is kind, love always protects, hopes, trusts, perseverance. Thanks for your lovely comment. There ARE so many women who are maturing as you described. Work on picking women who make you feel happy. Have to say none of them ended well; generally with me getting emotionally hurt and even twice, physically assaulted. Whilst dating younger women has been a lot of fun at times it comes with its own set of issues which have been repeated over and over again. We all get lonely and like to feel comforted at times but what I have realised is that firstly money does not by happiness in a relationship and secondly so many people including me seem to be massively emotionally scared. As an example my ex 25; who I dated seriously for a period of time and really did love had met her family even helped getting her mums place done up, well I found out she was working in the sex industry of sorts and as you can imagine things ended quickly after that. Totally got taken in rented her a house etc etc you can imagine the rest, I even tried to justify it in my head because I cared for her a lot but could not get past it obviously. Until you figure that out its just one failing after another. I hope some reading here helps you with what you need. There are a lot of men who read my blog. A tip: you want to find a grownup woman like the ones here. Just a kind, grounded, interesting, honest man to make their already good life better. It will make good women who appreciate hard work and finances less interested in you and the women looking for nothing but money go right for you. Maybe pay for dates, maybe a small gift. Let them get to know you before you use money to make up for other insecurities. I imagine if you made money your smart if you want to share hard earned income your kind if you get these young girls your probably attractive too. You seem to be worthy of being appreciated for you not just what you give. So maybe let someone in be vulnerable and let someone love you for who you are. Just a thought if you could use a females perspective. It has been really healthy and I learned a lot about myself in the process. I now know what I truly want in a partner and what my dealbreakers are. I was married once, I have a great kid who has left the nest and I take care of myself. After past relationships and seeing the current dating pool that is available, I find that I want to date less and less. I do miss having that best friend you can cuddle with but dating has become so much work. Many men are dishonest about themselves and their intentions and most of the men in my age bracket seem to be dating women in their 20s and early 30s anyway. I either attract really young men which I completely avoid because I want a serious relationship or men way too old for me…60s or older. Do men not date in their own age demographic anymore? After reading some of the comments your men posted…it makes me want to curl up on the sofa with my cat and never go out again. I hear a lot of men complain about women in my City as being fake, gold diggers, materialistic, vain and bitchy…yet the guys I know keep going for these types of women. A lot of men have unrealistic expectations regarding what women should look like —assuming this is based on the plastic surgery industry and media. Time and again I see really great guys fall for the pretty face over and over. Some of these women are incredibly ignorant, no education, sorry jobs etc…but all of that is overlooked because having some arm candy is fun I guess? I also bring a lot to the table education wise and career wise. Then after men have tried out other women they always come back to me and apologize or say they want another chance. It seems like my bitchier counterparts go much farther with the nice guys. Do men just like the abuse?? My grandmother said never become the comfy shoe men always fall back into…she was a wise woman. It is frustrating to say the least. Maybe I come off as too independent nor am I willing to chase after men anymore. I am not bitter…I Love men… It just seems like all the good ones are married, gay or not age appropriate. I am less picky at this age and I am not unreasonable regarding expectations. Not really sure where to look for good men. Not sure how to take that??? They refer to it as a weakness… Should I just throw in the towel? But in my younger years I often moved my boundaries or accepted or ignored little red flags for that butterfly feeling and inevitably I voluntarily left relationships or we remained good friends and went separate ways. I appreciate that you shared your story with me. There is so much for me to say and I can SO help you! You can Please let me help you, ok? There are good guys out there still. I left a 10 year relationship like almost 3 years ago. I guess you could say that I lost my game. I used to think that if I stop looking then the right women would come along. After reading you story you made me realize that there are good women out there as well. And remember all of the men out there are not just looking for sex. Although I do miss it, it means a lot more and feels better sharing it with someone you love and care about. I was too caring too understanding too compassionate was taken advantage of. They always came back, but I never took them back after the one time I did make that mistake to have it only get worse. I have an answer I found by a few good guy friends I told about my delema when I gave up dating to travel, craft, soul search and enjoy friends and family instead. I have the age issue too 21 year olds and 60 year olds. I have jobless carless ones the sexpots as men the princess men try for me. I want to run home and say nope. He said I need to work on boundary setting up front saying what I want. I had to learn to be more vulnerable and open wich was difficult for an independent lady as myself to truly be vulnerable and open to love yet have and voice boundaries and wants. After 2 years solace I am ready again to see if all this soul searching helped. Geeee I hope I get it right this time. Now only to find a man as self aware who is his best self too. We LOOK like modest, taken women. Kind of makes me more attracted to those 60 year old judges and attorneys out there. Feel free to email me with the info. Just from my experience alone, watching hundreds of women from all over the world find love, none — NOT ONE — has been with a man that was much older. My age difference with my husband is one of the largest differences — 9 years. Someone would only have to say hello to me and she would attack me. Anyways I think society treats a never married 54 yr old bachelor as a bit of a freak. I think you need to be perfect in every way,looks,finances and be highly intelligent and interesting and not everyone can reach those goals. I was 47 so I know what you mean. That said, you are plain wrong about it never happening. Every day I see people our age finding love, and they are like us perfectly imperfect people. If you could stay open and keep growing and learning, it can happen to you. I get a lot of compliments and have lots of loving and loyal friends but I just seem to attract abusive, controlling and selfish men. I live in quite a small town where everyone seems to be in a relationship. Hell no, this is a great time to find love! I have two sons and not one, but two divorces. I have learned a lot about myself and introspection. I have learned a lot about being empathetic and sympathetic and compassionate with women. I have learned a lot about a lot. I want nothing more than to be best friends with a woman and spend the rest of my life devoted and loyal to her. I guess I am an extremely handsome man. I am not conceited I am convinced. Females have been telling me I am gorgeous, sexy etc. Which is really confusing because I am short. Any way, my experience has been that every single women out there is a sex pot. Every woman I have dated has ended up naked. If I am alone with a woman for three hours her clothes fall off. A lot of men, would have some derogatory comments for me, but I want a relationship. I am not preoccupied with vagina and breasts and ass. I have had women that I was genuinely interested in come onto me so hard, so hard, and I know what they are doing. I have actually stopped women and told them in the middle of making out that I like them and I am not going to have sex with them because I want to see them again. I have gotten to the point where I feel like the stereotypical woman. Literally every single woman I date throws herself at me on the first date. I feel like the woman, meaning, I have no clue if these girls actually like me or if they just want me inside of them. The same thing happened. I liked this girl a ton. After about the three hour time limit she jumps on me like an octopus, lol. I have not felt a connection like I did with her since my second wife. She was super enthusiastic about our making out and I knew it was going very quickly towards being naked. This woman is extremely well educated. She has far more education than I do. She has a PhD and teaches at a local university. We decide to have sex and we decided I am going to stay the night. So we had sex a lot. I have anxiety from PTSD I take an SSRI for it. I was completely unaware of the intense withdrawals. I went absolute nuts over the next two weeks and was not even self aware of how buzzard my behavior was and nobody said anything to me. So after two weeks of being obsessive, possessive, insecure I scared her away. A few days later I ended up in the emergency room because the physical withdrawal symptoms had become so intense I could not function. That is when all of it was explained to me and…They made me start taking the same exact crap again. As my mind cleared and got back to normal I began realizing how I had acted toward her. I am so devastated with myself. I just, I really felt like after two and a half years of searching I had finally found her and now she will just think of me as the crazy guy. I have never acted the way I acted in my entire life. My entire brain function was completely different. I literally was not me. She has no reason to believe me or even entertain my explanation. I wish she would. I have never felt like this about someone before. I am 37 years old two marriages, plenty of dates. This woman has been ignoring me for a month and I still want her. I still want HER. Green February 17, 2017, 12:05 am wow, I felt compelled to respond to what you were saying as a man, because I myself as a man, deep down has longed for a good life long partner for more than just one thing also. I had another friend who had this dilemma also who has now been single for 20years due to not being able to find the one connection he wanted deep down. I am now 39 and it is looking like I will be spending the remainder of my life solo and actually alone. Guess I just have to accept it. I want to be ugly sometimes to find someone I know talks to me for me. So now I get men who try to use me for money too. I am very very loving, kind and have so much more to offer than these shallow surfaces that fleet in time. I have soul and my feelings get hurt like everyone else. I seem to be only good for one thing to alot of men. I hope you find your lifemate. In all honesty that is mostly my fault, I just thought by waiting I might eventually find someone but not the case! All my friends are married or have married and got divorced, most have kids and seem reasonably happy with their lives. But I think I am at the end of the road now. On dating sites, the only women who get in touch seem to just want a provider and not really care about anything else! After the attempts at going on a date have hurt my fault, I know I have to get used to it! Another reason I almost think anything will fail before it even begins. I think everything in life is like a disposable society now! My suggestion is to save your money, forget about dating, and get yourself a vacation to a foriegn country, or a resort, far, far away from where you live. Just enjoy life, as yourself, with yourself, and worry not about what your friends do. If they want to hang out, decline, and find something better to do. That is what I do… All of my friends are married, and of my group of friends, I am the oldest. These days, they think it is strange that I decline to hang out with them. But that is a personal problem. Just do what you need to do for yourself, and forget about dating. You will have less stress. Military veteran, run my own business, and live alone, no children. My last ex long term relationship, never married and I split about 6 years ago. The worst part is that we split due to her infidelity. The last date I went on, I was with a woman that kept getting messages on Facebook, kept getting texts, and so forth. I had nobody messaging me. I had one call, and it was business related. They got the answering service. However, she bluntly told me how it wouldnt work, and that she is going to meet up with another guy, after our get together. I simply saved her the trouble, and left. Since then, I am nust focusing on my life, and what I plan to do, for the next 15 to 20 years, for myself, with no regard for what may happen beyond myself, alone. However, at this point, I really see no benefit, or even purpose for dating or being in a relationship. Having a child at 46, means retirement beyond 70. Then, consider the fact that to me, I follow a logical paradigm: the only purpose of dating is to fulfill the biological imperative which gives the human proclivity toward procreation. Beyond that, there is no physically tangible, logical reason for males and females to pair, beyond selfish pride, egocentrism, or even lust. I really dont abide in any of that. I am and have become one of those that believes that love is an esoteric, paradox that people use, in order to euphemistically categorize their cohabitive utilitarianism, per interdependencies. Thus, logically I am better off left to my own devices. However, nearly impossible to shake biological urges, and in conflict. So, I almost resent this decision to remain as I am, for the greater benefit. In the past: My last Ex was the princess type. Before her was a particularly unambitious woman that was better at spending my money, than to generate her own income very lazy. And before her, was a woman that should have worked, but we had a few ideological ideological differences such as her being a pacifist, and me joining the military … At this point, I even see that I am simply not compatible with many women. So, I am just resolved in knowing that I am my own best asset, and anything else may be a liability. First, thank you for your service. You know…dating like a grownup. But we jump in anyway, hoping it could work. That results in a lot of relationships that were never meant to be, and ones that never happen but should have. Bad choices are made by all. That creates a crap-load of miscommunication, confusion, disappointment and, again, bad choices. My point is, you are not incompatible with all women. I see so much of this. So what do you do? I hope you take time reading here to help you understand how women are thinking and feeling. And also try to develop some skills to help you express your real and true self AND help women do the same. This is what dating like a grownup is all about. And it sounds like you really do want to have love. We need guys like you. I SO hope you find your One! Both men and women date for egocentric, self serving reasons. I am completely moving away from dating because i see no point in it, beyond self centered egocentrism. I gave no desire toward retiring beyond 70, thus no children. No children, there is no logical reason to date, aside fulfilling an egotistical and self centered purpose. Personally, i see no point in a relationship, if there is no desire toward procreation. Beyond that it is only for ego. That way no one else can mess up your kid too. My kids turned out awesome and happy I got to reach my goals and be my best self. If you feel no need for love and only seek to have a child find ways to do it now without a counterpart. Anyhow good luck, I agree to a certain degree, but not completely. Maintaining your own identity while in a relationship requires work, but no one should be too demanding were all imperfect. Just enjoy life on your terms, but respect others needs too. As a 42 year old single by choice, I have been proposed to outright by seven American citizen as I am woman, four more I suspected for green cards and not one of them started out with a traditional date. I tried dating and every time I failed to get a second date most we ended up in bed for a one night stand. Its my belief that men who went out on a date and a serious long term relationship became of it the man said just the things she wanted to hear and acted in the way she wanted to see totally masking who he really is, he is known as the liar and men will go on for years and years making his true identity. When a man acts as he really is on any date the date turns into a horror story for the woman. Men real men should not and do loose or kill off their inner child they keep it alive and healthy. Now that I am older the women I sleep with and hang out with mostly are 10 years and younger than I am. I for a time thought it was best for me to pick a girl under 6 years younger than I am. I put a list of the women I liked the best and used the sex we had as a major deciding factor, I went down the list and found most of them with a bit of detective work and found all of the found ones to be married. Then I wondered if the women who were just bad in bed but were attractive and seemed to not enjoy sex at all with me or likely anyone just needed the slow romantic approach to get them turned on. Another list was made and I easily found all of them. Point being is a woman is bad in bed she usually does not like sex. Women are pounded with bogus propaganda about men and relationships, its everywhere magazines, books, internet and the list goes on and on and on all to keep women single or in unhappy relationships so money can be made off them. If women just shut all the propaganda and thought for themselves with no outside help from anyone or anything they will all come up with one answer, SEX is the key.. Want a man to be interested in you for other things other than sex start with sex.. Want a man to love you start with sex Want a man to marry you start with sex Want a man just to notice you skip the date and start with sex. They are the sexual creatures, they tone their bodies, wear sexually provacative close, they love to flaunt it. Step two is to arouse her further, seduce her, wrap her in your arms whisper, god I want you now in her ear n squeeze her into you. That will get her mind going balistic, the thrill of what your going to do. Then stop in a lay-by, and make out like teenagers windows steamed up n orally please her, then fondle her, cuddle her, then take her home and ravish her the moment you get in the door, the coffee table, sofa, kitchen table, stairs in the shower, over the kitchen sink. Then finish her in bed, cuddle up, smoke a fag, run your fingers through her hair, kis her forehead, slow it down, then cuddle up n drift of to sleep in each others arms. Breakfast is a treat of her senses again, play time like teenagers, pillow fights, then let her express herself, encourage her to discover her body and show you what makes her tingle then seduce her slowly then ravish her, drink your coffee n lay talking about how she pleased you and how you pleased her, encourage her to tell you. Then when your horny as hell, take her to the limit in the places she loved before then add a few more ways. That said, there are somethings you need to think about… One is to make sure dude is being sincere… For reals, a lot of guys around my age get off on the rush of having a younger girl be into him. He is in a position of power, and may have certain legal implications he has to consider. During our teens relationships worked because we had no high expectations. I say we should just go with the flow…If the other person loves sex, give it if u willing…if they care it daznt matter whether u slept with them 5 minutes after meeting them or 3 yrs after meeting them…off one cares and they are the one, they overlook all ur flaws. Men my age, at 28, and with my personality typology, plus of course a few other factors, are finding it difficult to nonexistent for dating. Based on my own research and culmination of statistical data…I have a year left before my eligibility for a any relationship ceases to exist. So perhaps you could write ab article for guys like us who have limited time left to date? According to most estimates, men are most sought after between ages 27 to 41. Likewise, the same could be said about women… Nevertheless, it is more of a matter of how you present yourself. The 18 year old, scaredy cat and wow me woman. I think predominantly scaredy cat. I am not sure how to change my behaviour and mindset as I do want to. I know what you mean. Start with TAKING ACTION. Even the smallest first steps can make a big difference. Take my advice…it works! Keep learning and keep an open heart. Physically,he looks like a mid-thirties guy, but the fact still remains. I need your honest advice. I currently have no strong ties with him yet, so i can still back-off without bruising. But i need to know if age is as big of a problem as my cousin makes it sound. My cousin is 32 and married to a 35yo with 2 kids. She tells me to not get into that relationship because of the age difference it is a big deal for her. October 21, 2016, 4:57 am I think your cousin is correct…. A lot of women feel attracted to men who are much older than they are, but this is the time you should be careful. Meaning, children need to be fed, you need to go to work, he may be too tired to help you out, etc… Then comes the problems with health issues he may have later on…. Will you be able to handle that too? He is in fact 14 years older than you and you need to be thinking about this, just in case it happens…. You would still be young and healthy; he may not. All of this does play a role in how your life will come out. If he is over 40, he might be pressuring you to have kids right away, while if you picked someone your own age, you could wait a few years. I decided for almost a year to stop looking for someone. Recently, I reconnected with a guy who is 10 years older, never been married, and quite successful. I sense he never wanted kids from our casual conversations. By the way, out first date was when I was 18 and he was 28. How lovely that you have reconnected! The way to approach your question about your kids is to do it head on. Tell him how much you are enjoying him…then how much your children mean to you. Describe how you like to spend time with them and take care of them. Ask what he things about it. And just let him share his thoughts and feelings. About his not being married — it depends. Has he had long relationships but not been married? More important, what is he looking for now? Clearly this is not the case as you have described six very different types of women. I am sure there is a similiar list of men. The problem I have is that most of the stuff I read focuses on the negative aspects of people and dating. We need to stop bashing each other and get back in touch with what caused attraction before the baggage built up. Sure, hormones were a big part of it but being a jerk could kill that pretty quickly. Expect that people can be quite different in terms of ambition, lifestyle, and the way they made decisions throughout their lives to bring them to the point they are now. Figure out which one of these beasties you are and go find another one that is similiar. I am a 51 year old guy and recommend investing in your frame of mind at least as much as we do in our wardrobe. Stop polarization between the sexes! I also agree that many focus on the negatives of relations between the sexes. Would it sound strange if I said that some women even at 45 years dont know really who they are spiritually. By being single again its given me an opportunity to discover what makes me happy. Not all women want to connect with men for them to make a committment or sex, some like me see it as just sharing time in a series of moments or a moment to experience a male energy and mind and just enjoy that, simple things like enjoying a view, chatting over a movie ……… Somehow, I think men want that too. Im a 25 year old, and loved the articule, the reason why? Ur articule made me realize the types of womens that can bother a grownup man, if u have any tips for me ill honestly apreciatted verry much! The main thing I can say is we are really no different than at 25. I really loved a girl I was seeing who was 15 years years younger and her fear and analysing and my lack of patience ended what could have been a very good relationship. Just learn to be yourself as trying to be who you think someone wants you to be is a sure fire way to end up in a mess. I totally identified with the Wow Me Woman! And I have always looked for that guy who will give me butterflies. I found him twice in my life but they never worked or lasted. I figure, what the heck? The thing is, every man and every woman is a star, flowing along the vast starry expanse of Life. Placing us into boxes and removing the adventure of discovering the mystery takes away the fun and excitement from dating. It will only make our next dating adventure all that much easier. And the ones who have learned the most will be couples for a long time. They are most vulnerable, and need this time to remember who they are, where they came from, etc. It is a learned gift. To really feel what one is going through is a learned trait. Try this, walk through a run-down neighborhood in early morning. Slightly gaze at the faces of the homeless. What are they feeling? What do they really want? Have you read all my articles? Have you watched my webcasts, read my book? Empathy for men is something I teach as a primary principle of dating like a grownup. It will only make our next dating adventure all that much easier. And the ones who have learned the most will be couples for a long time. Thanks for your thoughtful almost comment. Reading your article has made so much sense, I suspected I had got stuck as an 18yr old dating wise, but to see I am also ALL of the above was quite a shock, just having these types confirmed is an eye opener. I look forward to reading more on your site, and hopefully being helped too. NO need to panic! The best you can do is to get to know the REAL GROWNUP YOU, and show up as her. Be in the moment. Give yourself that, ok? Just know it may take a little longer. Be very honest about who you are, what you have to offer her and what will make you happy. Be the best grown up you can be? I do that at work and made it to the top. In the weekend I just want to be a careless 22 year old… 30 something women hate that. Guess who I am dating? I would love to be proven wrong but so far no dice. And when I do nothing ever happens…except I get used as a source of free drinks or dinner and poof never hear from them again. Story of my freaking life… Where is the woman who will call you back or text you first…no where to be seen around these parts.. I never expected it to be this hard. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your comment is so welcome. Pietto, there are women like this out there. You can help them by bringing all of that to the date yourself…set the tone and the right women will follow. But when both of you are waiting for the other to start some grownup conversation and show openness…nothing happens. Happy to have you join us! I am looking, perhaps half-heartedly, but what I have observed is that I may be looking for a unicorn. I feel I fall into all the categories you mentioned. Unfortunately I feel that men over 40 have a hard time being honest to themselves. They do want all the benefits of a committed relationship but when time comes to committ they behave like a 15 year old, have big tantrums and disappear. I must be sending the wrong message. I always go on dates with an open mind, willing to go on 2nd and 3rd date to know someone better. I text to thank for the encounter and call to invite for a second date if an event comes up. I always offer to share the bill they never let me and I dress appropriately for my age. I truly believe in respect, sharing and building a life together. Should I color my hair blonde and lose 10 pounds? One thing you said caught me: I must be sending the wrong message. It means you can make some shifts and quickly improve your results. If you want some help, go to and sign up for my 4 Devastating Mistakes video. OR just go to and sign up for my newsletter. Very uncultured in regards to understanding and relating to not only someone from a different continent, but also a different race. I also live in NY, joined the US Army, accomplished a myriad of things in my life and raised two children alone. Been through a host of ups and downs, and carry my balls in my bag! Who knows but whatever it is.. The men need to be men and stop hiding. Sure, there are some men who are full of themselves and who are intimidated by a strong woman. Men are attracted to Women. I recommend this article, though I have a feeling you may not get it and it may piss you off. I am not a career-driven woman at all. I chose to work with animals, doing something I love and care about, instead of climbing the corporate ladder or earning the higher paycheck. I also have absolutely no interest in being a man. Yet, sadly, most of the time I find that I have to be. I do realize that a lot of career women do have a hard time leaving the competitive streak behind in a relationship. In order for us to be feminine, the masculine energy has to be present in the man. We cannot be soft when he is not strong not just physically.. Perhaps it is a cultural thing. Or perhaps we are more conditioned to desire that type of man growing up.. I know when it came to vanity in both men and women and superficial attributes looks, dress , it certainly was a culture shock for me when I came to the US. Or perhaps a lot of European women simply do not have a problem admitting that they want a masculine man. And why does he draw women like flies? Perhaps because he appeals to our most primal instincts by possessing two of the major masculine attributes. Most of them will not back down from a fight. Sadly, he also lacks all the other, positive masculine attributes. Overall, I can completely relate to where DD is coming from. Yet, at the same time, we need to tell men to step up and be men. I think this is also the problem why so many nice, wonderful men are losing in the dating game. They possess all the good, masculine traits, but tend to be more connected to their feminine energy, therefore not attracting women the way they want. As for the article — wonderful job! I can certainly identify with one of those, at least. I was in the U. Many men I know are intimidated by strong women. Sure…not all women fit neatly into every description you gave. Nothing bad with that, it has its perks….. Single men and women in the forties and older actually have a lot of WISDOM so we hope about life now. We have had a heartbreak or ache. We have a variety of cool experiences. We should be able to at this point just let a lot of the past go and take life for what it is now. Accept that yes, the game has changed! The part of our lives could be a really cool story……and I know men and women who do want to date, or find that someone to finish up with something very real, and cool at this age should take everything about relationships from their college years, their twenties, and even their thirties and just toss into the trash. We still have time. Want a husband or wife? We singles at this age and time have gone through so much, did so much…. Thanks for article, even more interesting and reassuring that it is written by a woman about the problems men face. I am 41, recovering from a serious car accident that has swallowed up the last 2 years of my life and am not yet able to date again. But even before that I was single for years. Although in the best physical shape of my life, I had no romantic encounters since my most significant relationship ended at 34. Just a handful of dates and some mediocre casual sex. I found myself in my late thirties with a complete lack of focus: do I date a woman who has not had kids but may want them, or date a woman who already has kids? I have had many adventures and been to beautiful parts of the world, but my fondest memories are snapshots of domestic bliss, with several partners not at the same time! I just want to feel that again. Also at my age I certainly no longer want to have kids of my own. We hate being wrong so search for confirmation of being right. Human nature and very limiting. How old are you guys? Where do you live?? Maybe I can help you out. Seems like SO many say they were scared by how much they liked me. Thanks for another clue to the quest to find a partner, friend, lover. I have dated many attractive ladies of before I my wife and I got married. Of course many Mormons not trying to offend- most are married in this miniature bible belt. Online dating is a feast for women who are good looking. Ready to move, tired of being alone. I understand the being alone sadness. Truth is that there are hundreds of thousand single women where you are, though. Get some help, ok? What can I tell you to help you? And Im scared silly. I lived the life of an abused woman — verbally, physically, and mentally. Doing counseling now with a local counselor. That would stay up with me late and clean! To have someone help me and do it without bitching would be amazing. I was married 22 years to someone that I thought was an honorable man, who went from Jeckel to Hyde. The women not interested in giving up an hour or 2 of her limited free time, to someone who is mostly looking for a booty call…not really trying to get to know someone. Being yourself with men is the best way to attract the Right Guy. Our walls, anger, frustration show up. And we tend to attract the wrong guys. You sound very strong, independent and I bet you can take care of anything that comes your way. Some of us are all out damaged from it. So where does this become a problem? Well at work and many other aspects of our lives, we become proficient at tasks by repetition, and through trial and error. It time, we can start to predict outcomes from actions we see or take. This destroys us at our age in dating. We fear failing before we even start dating, we fear the idea of potentially growing old alone, and we overthink. I would classify them, and myself sadly enough, as overly damaged by circumstance. These red flags set of triggers to either run, or fix. Thanks for your comment. Thank you, also, for your articulate description of what can happen when we let our past experiences mandate our future. You seem pretty self-aware. Please take some time to, and let me know your thoughts. Nice article, it is fun to read about the different types of women you present in the article. I am a career man of 42, no kids, and been single for going on 3 years now. I own my own home, nice cars and custom low-rider. Debt free, great income and very very happy living alone. I rarely feel lonely! Also I feel like I had enough great sex in my younger years that I have little interest in it now. Oh and some good mates to go out with for a beer. We are proud of our achievements and want to now invest in retiring early to enjoy life. We are very scared that any woman has the power to take it away from us, so we do not date. To be honest I contemplated whether to post your comment. But I decided that this is truth, and we need to know it. Just like I tell my women, there is nothing as yummy as having a committed, nurturing, loving partner to share your life. But that was then. There are all kinds of ways to protect your finances. Like marrying a woman who makes a good living. Like learning from your past and from experts like me, making a really good choice and never having to deal with divorce. Being coupled is natural. And btw, some of them are paying alimony too. Hate to hear it. But again, glad you wrote. And yet this has gotten me no where! What do I say and do do to approach women? Have never had a female partner and I feel something is wrong with me! I feel so lonely and rejected, is there any hope for me? We all have things we can improve upon, especially when it comes to human relationship. Not sure about your other question. Look for the same things I recommend women look for: Is she stepping up, showing up and a grown up? Does she show that she wants to make you happy? Does she keep her word? Do you like yourself and feel good when you are with her? Do you feel respected, understood, valued? Thanks for being here! Most were either married or just seeking sex. So, what realistic chance does a guy really have? I feel for you. Yep, there are man-haters out there. But they are a minority of women. Please know that most women do not know how to give you those hints! And women — read this carefully! He WANTS you to give him a sign. Eye contact, smile, talk to him, share about yourself. Here is an article that gives you some of these tips. Their friend that does flirt and actually enjoys flirting. Thanks for your comment, Mikey! Hope we can help each other. Oftentimes the damsel in distress has lost her kids or is on the verge of losing them due to the choices she has made in her life. There may even be drug or alcohol abuse but that will only materialize later. The damsel in distress is looking for somebody to save her: from herself. A quick fix relationship that will heal all of the wounds and right all of the wrongs inside of her. Sex with the damsel in distress is a given, often even on the first date if she perceives that her date has the power to save her. If you see yourself in the damsel in distress type, please get help. If you have insurance then counseling is an urgent need. If money is an issue, try codependents anonymous or another anonymous program if there are drugs or a lot of drinking in your life. Do not, under any circumstances, give her a key to your place or you will come home to an unwanted roommate. Thanks for your comment. I suppose I should just become a monk. My marriage was boring and when it ended, I found myself looking for some impressing men online. Which is boring as hell. It has this weird, but somehow interesting concept. Until I discover your blog. But I have no idea about how to solve this? I hope you will show us some ways to change our bad behaviours. You have a great blog by the way! The normal grounded woman. However — I have a great dad and had a wonderful grandad and step father so have no man-hate issues. The first I met at a school event via friends and we dated for 18 months — a lovely man but ultimately not into having a family and we broke up but are still friends he came with his mum and dad to watch my last open mic set — my current boyfriend, I actually met 3 years ago at a friends 40th birthday do but I was going through my separation so completely oblivious to other men. However, he remembered me and asked our mutual friend if I would be interested in going on a date. You sound like you have developed a really good relationship and taken a lot of positive, conscious steps to get there. I would just make one tweak and call you The Grownup Grounded Woman. And yes, there are many women who fit that title. Especially after they hang around here for a while. Thanks so much for your comment. Enjoyed reading the posts here. I am 46 years old and have sadly now been online dating for more than 5 years though not obsessively. Met a women who was very nice in email and on the phone. I met her at a restaurant for our first date where she told me that she would probably be arrested before the end of the date. Reading online profiles of women I see this written a lot…. I understand a lot of women have been through some tough things but I feel we can all safely assume that no one wants a liar or a cheater. On the flip side of that I guess if I read a profile that says you do want a liar or you do want a cheater, though I am neither of those things I will probably message you for purely scientific reasons. Alarming number of women out there that are less than honest about their marital status. Is this something I should be concerned about? Just be honest out there and hope you get the same. And on and on. I am down to this. Does she enjoy doing some of the same things I do…. And does she make me smile. I am SO thrilled to hear from you. I know the women here will really appreciate your openness and your positivity. She really got arrested? When I teach my Get Online, Get Noticed…Find Love course I say exactly what you said: To men anything negative like that will come off as bitter and very unattractive. They will move on regardless of any other good stuff in there.
Be servile to share and teach your passions. I am 44 years old and entering the dating scene again for the first time in 25 years. I am so sorry for your situation but I admire you tremendously for standing by her and your family…for now. But I have no piece about how to solve this. Hang in there there are alot of us in the same boat. She was always checking up on me. After she leaves me I have no intrest in marriage again after this. Also, like I told them, keep working on learning and responsible so you can become the very best partner you can be to attract the very best love. Seems like SO dating in your 40s say they were scared by how much they liked me. I sing in a church choir.