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by Melwnee on 2005 Oct 16 - 03:52 | reply to this comment
bdsm
I am in an M/s relationship and identify with the BDSM label for my lifestyle. Yet there has never once been any talk of the control in our relationship being just pretend. The control is real and always has been. I don't believe you can generalize on this point. In fact the majority of the people I have met in the BDSM community speak of D/s and M/s relationships as normal -- "play" relationships seem to be regarded as being a temporary thing for people who haven't found the "real thing" yet...a POV which I disagree with BTW, but also one that doesn't match your portrayal of BDSM. We also are not into "protocols" or talking about who is a better submissive either, at least in the circles I run in.

I think all this saying what BDSM is and is not(from the POV of someone who didn't feel they fit in in BDSM in the first place) and then comparing it unfavorably to DD, is a big fat straw man.

Is it a mistake to spank when angry?
This seems to be a touchy subject sometimes. It is something I had not had a lot of experience with until recently. My husband is not one to get angry very easily and we have found that since we have started down the Taken In Hand road that he is rarely angry with me any more. He once said that as soon as he decided to act, then his anger dissipated. It has been a nice side effect to the change in our relationship.

We had talked about it at the beginning. Would he spank me when he was still angry or not? We decided to do a wait and see. I have read that it is dangerous and abusive for a head of the household to spank when angry. I have read this many times, by people I respect. It makes sense on a certain level.

Recently my husband and I had a discussion that got a wee bit out of control. Well I think that is putting in mildly. It got a whole lot out of control. I do not think I have actually seen my husband as angry as he was in the 13 years since I have known him. I was mad, and I knew he was angry, but I pushed that one little bit more and he lost it. He decided to take me in hand right then and there.